


Hold My Hand On the Way Out

by OmniscientOranges



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean Winchester Saves Castiel from the Empty, First Kiss, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, thats... it basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmniscientOranges/pseuds/OmniscientOranges
Summary: "I know you're lying.""I'm not lying I-" Dean turns and scrubs a hand down his face, "What can I do to make you believe me?"Cas just shakes his head and closes his eyes, looking away with pain etched on his face."Cas, look at me please," he doesn't know why, but Cas looks up. "It's me. I promise."But Dean's looking at Cas and Cas doesn't see him. Just looks right past him. No, not quite past him - just looks at him like he's nothim. Like he's a fake. A ghost.-Idea's been done to death but I'm thinking, thinking, Dean goes to save Cas from the Empty but Cas doesn't think he's real at first. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 149





	Hold My Hand On the Way Out

Dean trips slightly on the way out of the portal. That's probably because Sam sighed and pushed him in when he turned back and started to say something like _you know, maybe I'm not the best guy for the job? Maybe you should go or Jack cou-_. Dean doesn't blame him for that, really. He knows he was being overdramatic, but it's not everyday a guy hurls himself into an endless void to save his currently dead best friend (who might also be the love of his life but, one thing at a time). 

It looks like he's standing on a whole lot of nothing, which gives him vertigo for a second before he remembers that nothing is really the whole point of this place. Still doesn't make him any less queasy, though. 

"Cas?" Dean shouts into the void. Which is ridiculous, shouting into a literal limitless nothing and hoping Cas hears him. But it's the only play he's got, so: "Cas! You out there? Come on, man, I'm praying, okay? Cas!" 

"Dean?" 

Dean spins on his heels and breathes a sigh of relief when his eyes fall on Cas, standing like a monolith against the stark black Empty surrounding them. That worked _way_ faster than he expected it to. 

"Shit, hey, there you are. Look, I'm here to-" 

"Stop it," Cas responds. And he actually looks- scared? Angry? Upset? 

"What?" 

"Stop doing this to me. I know he's not real, I know _you're_ not real. Stop toying with me like this. You said I could rest, this is _cruel_ , even for you." 

_Even for you_ , what is Cas talking about? Sure, yeah, Dean can be a dick, but he's not _that_ big of a dick. Is he? "What? Cas I-" 

" _Stop_ , please just- just leave me alone." Cas all but _whimpers_ saying that, and that's when it clicks in Dean's head. He thinks he's the Empty. Or some manifestation of it. He thinks Dean's _not real._ Jesus, what has this place been doing to him? 

"No, it's _me_. Cas, it's me, really." 

"I know you're lying." 

"I'm not lying I-" Dean turns and scrubs a hand down his face, "What can I do to make you believe me?" 

Cas just shakes his head and closes his eyes, looking away with pain etched on his face. 

"Cas, look at me please," he doesn't know why, but Cas looks up. "It's me. I promise." 

But Dean's looking at Cas and Cas doesn't see him. Just looks right past him. No, not quite past him - just looks at him like he's not _him_. Like he's a fake. A ghost. 

It sucks. Fully, fully sucks. Dean didn't realize that there was this pit in his chest that only felt whole whenever Cas was looking at him, but he really gets that now. And Dean's heart beats a hard rhythm against that pit and it makes his breath come out stilted, makes it hardly come out at all. He wants to sob, or scream, or hit something or get hit. He feels likes everything's closing in around him and he never _realized_ how it could feel to have everything you could ever want standing right in front of you only for it to look back at you like you aren't anything, like you aren't fucking _real_ and it's- it's- _it's-_

"I love you." 

Dean says it softly, reverently. In a way that doesn't convey that it feels like the words tear out of him, rip from his throat- rip from his _heart_. Because that's what Cas is to him now. He's his heart. 

"And I- I always did, always _have._ Don't you know that? But no, you _didn't_ know. That's the whole point. You didn't know, but, Cas, I've been yours the whole time. You've _had_ me the whole time. And I can't believe you didn't know that. I can't believe I never had the guts to tell you before. But-" And Dean's pacing, he's determined to lay it all out because he needs Cas to know this time. He needs him to really understand. Needs him. Fullstop, if he's being honest. And, right now, he is. 

"It's you. Always. You're it for me. No one else, Cas, _no one._ I need you. I _love_ you, do you hear me?" Dean's stepping into Cas' space, bringing both his hands up to either side of his face, like if he holds him there and makes him look and really listen that he'll hear it. That he'll understand it. That Dean’s right here and that he was always worth it, to Dean he was _always_ worth it. 

"I love you, you stupid son of a bitch, I love you." Maybe he can fix it if he says it enough, says those three words enough, repeats them like a mantra, like a fucking heartbeat in his head. _I love you I love you I love you._ Dean's pretty sure he's said I love you more times in the last 2 minutes than he's said it in the rest of his whole life combined. 

Cas is still looking past him, hopeless. So, once more with feeling. "Cas, _Castiel_ , please listen to me. _I love you too._ " 

Dean leans in and seals his lips over Cas'. 

Cas doesn't move to kiss back, and Dean almost cries out with the sharp wave of pain that sends through him. _Please, please, this has to be enough. It's all I have. This has to be enough. Please._

With a jolt, Dean feels Cas' hand tentatively brush his elbow, then reach up, up, and fit perfectly onto his left shoulder. And that's it. Cas moves his other arm and wraps it behind Dean's neck, pulling him in closer, kissing him deeper. One of Dean's hands trails from Cas' face and curls into the lapel of his too-heavy trench coat. 

When they pull apart it's not because they need to breathe, it's because they feel like if they kiss any more they'll shatter under the weight of it. This thing- this _love_ that's been between them for so long finally coming to the surface. It's entirely too much. It's entirely not enough. Dean unfists Cas' coat and smooths out the wrinkles, Cas lets the arm wrapped behind Dean's head fall and slip around his waist instead. 

"It's really you?" 

"'Course it is, you expecting someone else?" 

" _Dean_ ," Cas breathes out. And that's a sentence in and of itself - just _Dean_. The way Cas says it like a prayer, like a promise, like a goddamn benediction. Like Dean's the holy one in this equation. Dean's hit with the realization that there's nothing different in the way Cas said his name just then compared to any time before that - that he's always been _Dean_. That he's always been loved. 

Somewhere caught up in an epiphany and half Dean finds a second to register they should probably - very quickly - get the hell out of there. 

Dean slides his palm from Cas' cheek, down his arm, and twines their fingers together. "Cas, come on, we gotta go," and nods his head at the flickering yellow line of a portal a few paces behind him. 

Cas trains his eyes on the portal, and looks a bit skeptical. "Are you sure it'll work?" 

"If it doesn't then I'll keep coming back here until it does work, or until the Empty gets so sick of me that it either kills me or tosses us both outta here on principle," Dean says. His brazen recklessness has Cas making a face that Dean knows means he's doing everything in his power not to roll his eyes. But it's fond, it's so, _so_ fond, and Dean can't believe he never saw it before. How much Cas truly loves him - loves every stupid, reckless part of him. How much Cas loves _all_ of him.

Dean grins, "Either way, I'm not leaving here without you." And, oh, that's familiar. This is something they've done before, the two of them - pulling each other out of impossible situations. Done it more than once, actually. 

"So what, I'm Eurydice and you're Orpheus and we're just supposed to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?" Cas says, trying and failing to hide a smile because not only is he making an accurate pop culture reference but he's _also_ making an accurate Dean reference. Double points. 

"Yep, exactly." 

"You're insufferable." 

"Yeah, but you love me anyway." 

Cas' eyes soften, "I really do." 

Dean, since apparently he's reverted back to being a 16 year old, _blushes_ at how earnest Cas is when he says that. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on, let's go." 

"Lead the way." 

Dean leads, hand reaching back and gripping Cas' so firmly he knows the skin's going paler where their hands link. Maybe it's the mythology reference Cas just made or maybe it's something else, but Dean doesn't let himself look back. They pause for a second when they reach the portal. If there was anyone to pray to Dean would pray with every part of himself that this works. Instead, he just hopes it does. 

A step, a bright light, a dimmer light, the sound of shoes hitting reinforced concrete, a portal closing behind him, a hand still- _blissfully_ still in his. Dean turns around. 

"I guess it worked," Cas beams.

Dean doesn't stop to think before he's kissing Cas again. Afterall, they've got a lot of time to make up for.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/omniscientoranges), where I attempt to contribute to the desticule


End file.
